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Sight-Seeing: Stop trying to be strong

NILS VON KALM says that how we treat the weak is a reflection of the way we treat Christ…

Melbourne, Australia

In a world where strength and might is worshipped, weakness is considered pretty pathetic.  

In the church, it’s often no different. We talk about the power of God, and even refer to “Almighty God”. More white evangelicals than ever in the US recently voted for a man because they see him as strong, someone who won’t be bullied and who takes delight in bullying the vulnerable.


Detail from a stained glass window in Brazil depicting Mary and Jesus as a baby. PICTURE: Enzo Natale Ferrari/Pexels

Jesus is one of those vulnerable.

He identifies so closely to the naked, the hungry, the prisoner and the sick that He said that when we do or don’t love them, we are or aren’t loving Him. According to Jesus, the way we treat the weak is the way we treat Him. The measure of our love for Jesus is in how we treat the weak. That’s not some socialist ideology. That’s straight from the mouth of Jesus Himself.

“The measure of our love for Jesus is in how we treat the weak. That’s not some socialist ideology. That’s straight from the mouth of Jesus Himself.” 

In a church that too often worships at the altar of strength, power and might, Jesus bends down and washes the feet of his friends, every single one of whom would abandon him that very night, and one who would become a bitter enemy.

In a church that too often talks of the power of God working through us, St Paul tells us that he had to be reminded that strength is perfected in weakness. “When I am weak, then I am strong”, is probably one of the most encouraging pieces of wisdom that can be said to someone who is tired of feeling weak.

In a church that refers to Almighty God, Father Richard Rohr suggests that the term “All-suffering God” is more reflective of the God of Jesus.

So, stop trying to be strong.

When you start crying at something, don’t apologise. Your tears are an expression of love welling up from deep within your healthy soul. They are a gift to those who see them. Please don’t deny the rest of us that gift. We need it to help us to express our own tears. It’s the person who can’t hold space for your tears who is unhealthy.



The most attractive people to me are those who are humble yet assertive, who recognise their brokenness yet don’t cower behind it. Ego doesn’t attract me at all. The problem though is that, too often, it feels attractive in me.

True greatness doesn’t try and doesn’t need to assert its greatness. A great life speaks for itself. It’s been said that true humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.

Many of us get into a false humility where we will denigrate ourselves to or in front of others. I don’t think that’s real humility. Most of us wouldn’t denigrate others in front of a crowd, so why do we do it to ourselves? When we denigrate ourselves like that, we’re making it all about us. It comes out of a low sense of self-worth.

Love doesn’t do that though. Love has been severely misinterpreted by those inside and outside the church. We think meekness is weakness when it’s not that at all. Meekness is humility. It’s not being walked all over. It’s not codependent people-pleasing.

It’s a fine line, though, as real love does want to please the other, but it’s always for the good of the other. Codependent people-pleasing is really about yourself. The problem is that it often feels like love, but it isn’t. That’s why real love isn’t about a feeling. It involves feelings, but ultimately it’s not a feeling. It’s concrete action which comes out of being, out of inner transformation.

Ultimately, living the life of a follower of Jesus is about commitment, about willingness. There’s a lot to be said for those old Gospel tracts which had the image of the train with the “facts, faith and feelings” slogan on them.

For those who don’t remember or might not have seen them, the word “facts” was written on the locomotive. That was to represent that it’s the facts of the Christian faith and who Jesus is that is our foundation and that drives everything else.

The next carriage in the train had “faith” written on it because we make a decision to act on faith based on the facts of who Jesus is. Then the word, “feelings” was on the caboose at the end of the train. That was to signify that, while feelings play a part, they don’t drive who we are. We don’t rely on them for our wellbeing. As any decent psychologist will say, feelings aren’t facts.

It’s all a bit simplistic in one sense, but there’s truth to it. Commitment is a dirty word in the feel-good culture in which we live in the West. I remember a celebrity saying once that “we all want to feel good”. That’s always stuck with me because I’ve spent too much of my life trying to feel good. That has led me down a path of self-destruction as I hurt others and myself along the way.


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There’s nothing wrong, though, with feeling good in itself. But if we base our life on it, it will bring us undone. The goal of life is not to feel good. But when we do feel good, I like to ride the wave as long as it lasts! The goal of life is to follow Jesus, come what may. It’s about doing whatever it takes to live a life of love of others, including our enemy.

If we believe this stuff, if we really believe what Jesus said, that the life we’re all searching for is found in him, then we will do whatever it takes to get that. That’s why Jesus told the story of the pearl of great price (Matthew 13:45-46). That’s the story where a merchant searches for fine pearls, and when he finds one, he sells everything he has to buy it. That’s pretty extreme, but Jesus spoke in extreme terms to make his points.

In the end, it’s only the person who has committed themselves to doing whatever it takes to follow Jesus who will accept such a teaching. I neglected it for years. I was half-hearted; “lukewarm” to use a term that Christians use a lot.

Today I’m more convinced than ever that it’s in weakness and surrender that life is found. It’s the only way to find our True Self. The great paradox of living as a Christian is that we surrender to gain victory. We die to self to get hold of our True Self.

Jesus is a vulnerable God. That’s what we’ve just remembered at Christmas. Coming as a vulnerable, crying, helpless, pooing baby, not as a glorious king setting himself up in a palace in the middle of Rome, but as that helpless baby in a forgotten backwater of the Roman Empire.

So, stop trying to be strong. You’ll never find what you’re looking for that way. Embrace vulnerability, weakness and the way of the cross with Jesus guiding your every move. Your life will never be the same.

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